2020 – In Its Own Words

Are you ready to bid this crazy, twisted year farewell?

Who isn’t?

In a previous post, I mentioned that people have started using “2020” as a swear word, as in “Go 2020 yourself” and “I don’t give a 2020 what you think” and “You’re a 2020ing idiot.”

Despite the negative connotations attached to the year itself, some great things have been going on in the background. Families are becoming closer. People are binge-baking and painting their living rooms and learning new languages. Dogs are basking in all the extra attention. Cats are quietly plotting their escapes.

It got me thinking: If 2020 were a person, what would it have to say about all this? I recently tracked it down for a heart-to-heart chat (socially distanced, of course), and the following is the transcript of our conversation.

MJ: Thank you for squeezing me into your busy schedule today, 2020.

2020: Glad to be here.

MJ: Let’s start way back at the beginning, January first.

2020: (shudders)

MJ: Would you like some water?

2020: No, I’m fine. Please continue.

MJ: Some of these questions will be tough. Let me know if you need to take a break at any point, okay?

2020: Thank you, but breaks are for wimps like 2014.

MJ: Fair enough, we’ll carry on. By the time you took over from 2019, a certain virus had already been circulating in China for a couple of months.

2020: (breaks out in a sweat)

MJ: Are you sure you’re okay?

2020: It’s my PTSD. Present Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ll be fine.

MJ: So the news coming out of China at that time was unnerving but not yet alarming. In North America, we’d encountered disease outbreaks before—SARS in 2003 and H1N1 in 2009—so I think a lot of us were watching this one with a sort of disquieted apathy. What were your thoughts when you first heard about the coronavirus?

2020: Well, if I’m to be honest, a whole series of thoughts came to mind that day. The first was Oh no! followed shortly by What the 2020 did I do to deserve this? And by February, when the virus was spreading like wildfire in your part of the world, I thought, Screw this! and tried giving the reins back to 2019. But of course, the scoundrel was nowhere to be found.

MJ: I didn’t know you’d been so rattled. You handled everything with such dignity and grit. How did you manage the stress?

2020: It was surprisingly easy at the beginning, but by mid-March, the world’s scorn was as rampant as the disease itself. Oh, the memes! They should really be called means, shouldn’t they? Did you see the one that said: If 2020 was a cocktail, what would it be?

MJ: No. I’ll bite.

2020: A colonoscopy prep.

MJ: Oof. That’s rough.

2020: Right? I mean, traditionally my name has been associated with amazing things: perfect vision, a top-rated primetime news magazine show. And just listen to how eloquently it rolls off your tongue. Four bloody syllables that sound like two! Top that, 2021!

MJ: How does it make you feel knowing a vaccine has been found and that it’s on the verge of widespread distribution—right at the end of your term?

2020: How do you think it makes me feel? I hear they’re dubbing 2021 as The Do-Over Year. You know the worst part? I will forever be associated with that ridiculous toilet-paper crisis! Can you believe it? Amidst a worldwide health catastrophe and devastating loss of life, not to mention unemployment, financial ruin, depression, and hopelessness, they’ll bring up toilet paper when they hear my name!

MJ: It must weigh on you, the pettiness, when there are much more important things going on.

2020: Pff. You have no idea.

MJ: Is there anything else you feel unjustly blamed for?

2020: Weight gain. Increased alcohol intake. Poor hygiene. Zoom meetings. Bad haircuts. Beards. Tip of the iceberg, really.

MJ: Despite the challenges, though, you’ve had a number of successes over the last twelve months. What would you cite as your biggest accomplishment?

2020: I’ve noticed a softening, particularly now. Maybe it’s because Christmas is only days away, but I think it goes deeper than that. I think people have started appreciating each other more, you know? Like, when they’re not punching grocery clerks in the face, they’re checking on their neighbors. Yeah. The resurgence of goodwill is a big one.

MJ: That’s a lovely legacy, 2020. You should be proud of that.

2020: (smiles)

MJ: Your term is ending in less than two weeks. What are your plans right afterward?

2020: Taking bubble baths. Lots and lots of bubble baths. And going for long, leisurely walks on the beach. Oh! And playing Twister with 1967.

MJ: You’ve certainly earned the downtime. And beyond that? What do you see yourself doing in five years?

2020: Hmmm. Good question. Probably watching 2025 with morbid curiosity. And eating the last of the sourdough.

MJ: Thanks for your time, 2020. I wish I could say it’s been a pleasure, but, well…

2020: I get it.

MJ: Look, despite the all that, you did some wonderful work over the last twelve months. I really wish I could shake your hand right now.

2020: (shrugs) It’s for the best. As tempting as it would be, I dare not pass anything onto 2021.

Faced with a looming catastrophe right out of the gate, it’s easy to see why 2020 briefly considered giving up. But that brave year persevered, even through the darkest days, and proved that the battle was worth fighting. We could learn a lot from 2020.

For me, it’s been a productive year. I finally finished writing my novel in January and had it published in November, which probably sounds like a long gap, but I’m on a steep learning curve. My goal for 2021 is to publish book two, TimeBlink: Flight 444. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that life is unpredictable, so we’ll see how my plan works out. With any luck, some of 2020’s tenacity will rub off on me and my next book will be on the shelves this time next year.

How have you fared in this topsy-turvy year? Have you been able to celebrate any wins, big or small? Remember, in times like these, just getting out of bed each day counts as a win. It’s been a hell of a year, so don’t be shy to give yourself some props in the comments below!

Here’s wishing you a safe, happy and healthy 2021.

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